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| 9 Lives O' Green! |
Ollie: "tulalulaluraaaa" Muthafucka!
Hey...shitfaced and Shitheads...this is your Boyo Ollie here to raise a pint and give a shout out to st paddys day by honoring memorable Irish folk not only in film, music but pop culture icons in general.
Welcome to the Shammys, short for Shamrock. (Duh!)
Sky: So I take it that you are already getting "toasted" Ollie?
Ollie: it's all about tradition me Boyo. Just look at that Golden trophy. Beautiful isn’t it?
Sky: Why a Shamrock and not a “Potato” instead? Ah yes, Saint Patrick's Day, when all the Irish cavort, get drunk, barf, beat each other up, go home and then beat their Spouses or significant others.
Ollie: .I resent that comment...tharts a liiiie...Sky! We don't always barf. *Hiccup*
Sky: I can smell the Hennessy mixed with Guinness eight yards away!
You bloody lush.
Ollie: Can you also smell my Paws? *Wink*
Guess where.... they have been?
*Audience laughter*
Sky: You Pig! I say, look at the impressive audience turnout. It seems that many have arrived from various races, cultures and countries to help us celebrate this "festive" award show.
Ollie: Aye fooker, when I look around I see Irish, Dutch, Finland, Austrian, English, Norwegian Canadian, Portuguese and South African. I noticed that the those who were crossed out were kicked out of the auditorium for their unruly behavior ...oh, and one Ugly Irish American.in da Heezy! Drag his ass outta here until his face looks as if it was scrapped through the tarmac!
*Audience Laughs*
Sky: "Heezy"?
Ollie: Hey, I'm “Black” Irish, I guess?
Sky: Well, that clearly explains everything.
Ollie: whats that supposed to mean?
Sky: Hey, who's making all that noise over there? I'm hearing plenty of F-Bombs, are those people from BMD's threads?
Ollie: No, but I see a homeless guy cursing at himself..oh wait, it's AICN's Hercules! I guess all the gifs, articles and harassment drove him batshit insane. Or the fact that he's bitter because that Robert Carhill guy got a writing gig fof Dr. Strange while he's hocking Blu Rays from Amazon!
Sky: Ollie!!
Ollie; Relax, I kid the loser.
Sky: You need to lay off the sauce if you're going to co host with me in the future.
Ollie: Fuck off, "mate"! Today, everyone's Irish..except the Gays, since thy're not allowed to march in the parades, and that's unfortunate for homosexuals of Irish decent. By the way, have you heard of the this joke of Brian Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzbrian?
*Audience laughs uncomfortably*
*Audience laughs uncomfortably*
Sky: Anyway, Mr. "Hooligan" do you wish to announce the Shammys based on these categories that were handpicked by our Producer and of course, Benefactor; SE.
Ollie: That Prick better remind himself to give me my crunchies on time OK?!?....let’s do this...
Best Horror film:
Halloween 3 Season of the Witch
Leprechaun
Rawhead Rex
Ollie: And the winner goes to
Halloween 3 Season of the Witch!
No surprise there.
Sky: why, because of Dan O Heileys performance as the evil Cochran? Or could it be a refreshing concept from your typical slasher film as in the Halloween franchise?
Ollie: No, I like that fact that the Dr. gets it on with some younger chick only for her to turn on him after being converted to a fucking robot! SPOILER ALERT for those who didn't bother to see it!
Plus, the Kids' faces being turned to bugs and worms were cool.
Teach those lil Shits for knocking at my door. "Trick or Treat this, Bitch"!
*Audience boos*
*Audience boos*
Sky: ...Next category!
Best TV series
Sons of Anarchy: Season:3
Peaky Blinders
Copper
Ray Donovan
And the winner is; Copper!
Sky: Excellent series courtesy of BBC, I must say.
Ollie: I was gonna go with Ray Donovan. Cause any Mick who can take out a child molesting Priest and a Gangsta Kingpin is one bad Motherfucker! So what if he cheats on his Wife, have you seen the Mug on that Rat faced Bitch, Abby?? No wonder why the producer finally decided to kill her off!
Sky: *sigh*
Best Film:
Ollie: Beghorra! This list is as long as my Dick!
Sky: Hah, you wish. Because if you’re Irish, you have that bloody curse! Buahahahahah!
71
Miller’s Crossing
State of Grace
The Devils own
Veronica Guerin
Michael Collins
Patriot Games
Rob Roy
The General
The Wind that shakes the Barley
And the winner is..Holy Shite! It’s a Ten way Tie! They’re all great films and available now via streaming apps on the *insert plug* Amazon Fire TV Stick and NVidia Shield.
Sky: I’m not too familiar with most of these films however, ’71 was my personal choice!
Ollie: You’re just saying that because the main protagonist is a fookin' Limey!
Sky: I'm just saying that, because you Irish are dumb enough to kill each other over something as silly as the Protestant/Catholic thingy, yet some bloke is fighting to survive.
Sky: I'm just saying that, because you Irish are dumb enough to kill each other over something as silly as the Protestant/Catholic thingy, yet some bloke is fighting to survive.
Best Superhero:
Daredevil
Captain America
Banshee
Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner)
And the winner is..well, Captain America of course!
Sky: Born of Irish immigrant parents, Steven Joseph Rogers became the symbol of the American dream and is representative of the hard working Irish who helped to build America. The pinnacle of human perfection and a superhero who represents, truth, justice and the American way! Bollocks!
Ollie: Aw, you upset that no one acknowledges Captain Britain? Don’t be hatin!
Sky: I was hoping that Shamrock would get the Bloody philistine!
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| "Does the carpet match the drapes"? |
Ollie: oh that would have went over..*Burp* well A Woman Molly Fitzgerald from Dunshaughlin, Ireland,has red hair and good luck powers, wears a green cloverleaf costume. And, on top of it all, her father was a member of the IRA. What’s next, the Lass is also an alcoholic?
I saw what you just did there, and that's Racist!
I saw what you just did there, and that's Racist!
Sky: It wasn’t my intention, but now that you mentioned it..BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Here, allow me to make a few “adjustments on ol’ Cap.
Ollie: Nice, but why is he looking down?
Sky: Because in spite of Captain Ireland being a super duper soldier, his peenie is still 4 inches. Ah, you just can't beat the ol Irish curse regardless if you're faster, stronger and all that bollocks!
Call it fate, perhaps.
Sky: Because in spite of Captain Ireland being a super duper soldier, his peenie is still 4 inches. Ah, you just can't beat the ol Irish curse regardless if you're faster, stronger and all that bollocks!
Call it fate, perhaps.
Best Musical Artist
Sinead o' Connor
U2
The Cranberries
House of Pain
And the Winner is; The Cranberries!
Sky: Over U2?? I say Bollocks!!
Ollie: Hey, these wasn’t my picks but any band that could make a song called “Zombie”, deserves props. :P Too bad Delores passed on, she had such an angelic voice and not to mention, a piece of.."cranberry". *Ahem*
I’ll give Sinead O’ Connor an honorable mention just for calling out the corruption within the Catholic Church. You go, Gurl! Fight the enemy that protects child molesters within the Vatican!
Best Actor:
Cillian Murphy
Liam Neeson
Colin Farrell
Pierce Bronsnan
Brendan Gleeson
And the Winner is; Liam Neeson!
Ollie: No surprise there. This Man is a legend!
From Rob Roy, a Jedi Master, a Darkman, Ras al ghul, to a Badass former Mercenary, Liam has starred in a well verse range of roles throughout his career and he’s still working his arse off..well until..anyhoo, I forgot to mention that he banged Helen Mirren, and then there was his role as Ireland’s answer to Malcolm X, Michael Collins (Which Liam himself compared his titular role to the Black Civil rights leader.)
Sky: well, that’s all well and good, but for a guy who stars in plenty of action films, I find it ironic that he is a big advocate of Gun control within the US. You know what else I see as a contradiction?
Him confessing that he wanted to go out and kill some random “Black Bastard”!
Ollie: Um….
Sky: And another thing, You Irish often display “Rainbows” within your Blessings, yet as you mentioned, Homosexuals aren’t allowed to march in the Saint Patrick’s Day Parade. That’s discrimination and that’s wrongo boyo.
Ollie: Look who’s talking, “Boyo”. You blokes treated us like Shit while under UK rule. “No Irish, No Blacks, No Cats”.
Sky: That’s “Dogs” you Twit. What about the Irish Civil War, IRA and NYC Race Riots? Huh?
Ollie: And what about you fookers colonizing everything and everyone?
It's no wonder why everybody loves Kilmonger!
Ollie: I guess that wraps it up and I personally would like to thank each and every one who attended our show. I 'm gonna have a few more beers, while “Sky” is busy auditioning to steal more American roles like most British "thespians" these days! *Ahem*
It's no wonder why everybody loves Kilmonger!
Ollie: I guess that wraps it up and I personally would like to thank each and every one who attended our show. I 'm gonna have a few more beers, while “Sky” is busy auditioning to steal more American roles like most British "thespians" these days! *Ahem*
Ollie:, Happy St. Paddy’s Day everyone!
*Audience applause*
The Boys are Back, Courtesy of The Dropkick Murphys!