Ollie: Wats a happenin, mah
nuggahs? It's your boy Ollie along with my homie, Sky in da heezy here about to
give some shout outs to the most infamous and ridiculous portrayals of Blacks
in Cinema!
Sky: That is one of the worst, if not THE worse imitation of a hood Black bloke. How very insensitive of you, especially since it's Black History Month.
Ollie: Actually, my reactionary bro, I was mocking the silly stereotypes that Hollywood and society in general are quick to assume how the majority of Black-Americans conduct themselves.
SKY: My pardon or as the cool kids say, my bad. Well, now that were here, let's nominate a few categories based on the negative portrayal of Black Movie roles, shall we?
To start things off, here is an archetype which many of us would refer to as the Sacrificial Negro.
This is a portrayal that is often seen in a few films, that for the most part, are within the Horror and Science Fiction genres, where the Black supporting character would selflessly jump into harm's way in order to save the white protagonist or fellow supporting character (Most likely, not a loved one.) thus ending his miserable life in turn.
On paper, it may sound like a noble deed however, such acts harken back to the House Negro mentality.
Ollie: Heh! Unless it’s some hot chick willing to give up the skins, to quote rapper Eminem, " Superman aint saving Shit"!
Sky: The thought of you or anyone quoting that washed up has-been is rather pathetic. Well, you could do worse by paraphrasing Justin Bieber or Justin Timberlake.
Here's the nominees :
Charles Dutton from Legion
Idris Elba from Prometheus
Will Smith from I Am Legend
Charles Dutton from Alien 3
Yaphet Kotto from Alien
And the winner is...
Yaphet Kotto as Parker in Alien!
Sky: That is one of the worst, if not THE worse imitation of a hood Black bloke. How very insensitive of you, especially since it's Black History Month.
Ollie: Actually, my reactionary bro, I was mocking the silly stereotypes that Hollywood and society in general are quick to assume how the majority of Black-Americans conduct themselves.
SKY: My pardon or as the cool kids say, my bad. Well, now that were here, let's nominate a few categories based on the negative portrayal of Black Movie roles, shall we?
To start things off, here is an archetype which many of us would refer to as the Sacrificial Negro.
This is a portrayal that is often seen in a few films, that for the most part, are within the Horror and Science Fiction genres, where the Black supporting character would selflessly jump into harm's way in order to save the white protagonist or fellow supporting character (Most likely, not a loved one.) thus ending his miserable life in turn.
On paper, it may sound like a noble deed however, such acts harken back to the House Negro mentality.
Ollie: Heh! Unless it’s some hot chick willing to give up the skins, to quote rapper Eminem, " Superman aint saving Shit"!
Sky: The thought of you or anyone quoting that washed up has-been is rather pathetic. Well, you could do worse by paraphrasing Justin Bieber or Justin Timberlake.
Here's the nominees :
Charles Dutton from Legion
Idris Elba from Prometheus
Will Smith from I Am Legend
Charles Dutton from Alien 3
Yaphet Kotto from Alien
And the winner is...
Yaphet Kotto as Parker in Alien!
Sky: While Lambert was about to be violated by the infamous Xenomorth, Parker plays hero to the helpless cowardly cur by jumping in the way, thus cockblocking the creature from getting in Lambert's pants and as a result, Parker gets skewered to death.
Soon afterwards, the vile Xenomorth gets to impale Lambert in a way that was unfathomable until now!
(*Cough Legend of the Overfiend Cough*) Therefore Mr. Kotto takes top honors for being the sacrificial Negro in cinema.
Ollie: I figured it would be Dutton since he had unselfishly given his life for his Caucasian counterparts in not one, but two different movies!
What a selfless hero! *snicca*
Sky: That he was, and as a means of appreciation for his sacrifice, Charles S. Dutton is well, no longer relevant in Hollywood.
Ollie: Just like what happened during the Blaxpoiltation era.
Chew you up and spit you out!
Sky: For those outside of Generation X, who have no clue of what Ollie is referring to, here's a bit of history of how Hollywood was saved by Blacks.
During the late Sixties to early Seventies, the motion picture industry was losing millions of dollars via lack of box office ticket sales until they saw the potential to recoup their losses by producing and distributing movies toward a coloured demographic.
Blaxpoiltation is a genre that despite having cheap cinematography with a low budget grindhouse approach, the films for the most part featured heroic Black protagonists who fought against either the "system" , black oppressors and of course, vile Caucasian conspirators often known as "The Man"!
Plenty of those films went against the often used stereotypes and in fact, featured powerful characters such as Shaft, Coffy, Black Belt Jones, Truck Turner and a few others. Well, The Mack and Superfly while glamorized as Pimps and Pushers, the films themselves were cult favorites among both Black and White filmgoers.
As the dollars trickled in, more films spearheaded by Black directors, producers and so forth had grown to astronomical proportions!
Then came higher quality films such as The Exorcist, Taxi Driver and The Godfather which not only became instant blockbusters, but proved that Hollywood no longer had to rely on black viewership in order to keep the Motion picture industry afloat.
On top of that, CORE (Congress of Racial Equality) had pulled a "Cease and desist" on Blaxpoiltation cinema due to complaints of negative perceived portrayals of Blacks i.e. misogyny, dope pushers, anti-heroes and hoes.
After said genre was abandoned, so were the promising careers of many Black actors, writers, producers and directors. Sadly, they could have branched out into more promising mainstream projects. And so goes Black Hollywood.
AHEM* now, onto the main topic of why we're here! I present, “Magical Negroes of Cinema”. For you Sods out there that have no clue of the term, here’s a brief description;
The term "Magical Negro” is a trope often used in American cinema in which a supporting run-of-the-mill character is portrayed as one coming to the aid of a film's white protagonist.
The Magical Negro characters often possess special insight and in some cases, mystical powers! It’s often seen as being both insensitive and offensive because of the Uncle Tom metaphor especially when you have a Black character selflessly come to the aid of a Caucasian without seeking or receiving any reward in return. Such term has often been compared to the pejorative-The Noble Savage.
Ollie: Now we know!
Sky: Very good and now for our first pick of the litter (box) He’s Big, he’s Black and as gentle as a Cub- but he also has the power to heal-literally! I’m referring to the Man who puts “Magical” into Negro himself-John Coffy from Stephen King’s The Green Mile!
John was accused of a heinous crime and sentenced to death row and despite him using his supernatural abilities to heal a Guard’s bladder infection so that he could fornicate with his wife as well as curing a Warden’s wife of Cancer, yet he was executed at the end of the film despite being found innocent of said crime. Now “ain’t that a Bitch”?!?
Ollie: Well not all was well and good for Tom Hank’s character Paul at the end, either. What I hated about John was that he was too humble and came off like “Uncle Remus” to the extent that any second, I was expecting him to break out with a Disney song and dance number of the South!
“Mah name is Coffey suh, like the drink”. LOL god bless Michael Clark Duncan.
Sky: Isn’t he now deceased as in dead? Er, I meant in real life?
Ollie: Sadly, yes and here’s what contributed to his heart failure.
Sky: Omarosa, his fiancée??? How in the bloody hell was she responsible for Duncan’s death?
Ollie: Ever dated an uptight Sista? Some of them can cause serious stress and tension to the point where a Man’s Heart just explodes!
Sky: Oh, you! But then again, if Trump couldn't even handle her..y'know, the President who said he would rush into a school unarmed to save kids that are being terrorized by a lone gunman.....ayep.
Next is The Legend of Bagger Vance with Mr. “Jiggy” himself, Will Smith in the titular role as a mysterious Man who offers to be this mentoring Caddy for the white protagonist who has a Golf handicap..?
Ollie: Hah, so I guess that makes him the predecessor to Tiger Woods especially since both are considered “Toms’. Let’s face it, Smith has had his share of undignified roles from Bagger Vance, Hitch to Bad Boys and don’t get me started on Hancock!
Sky: I believe this Jack Random guy already have. In his fit of rage, he referred to Hancock as an N-word for cooning it up during the 2nd act of the movie.
Ollie: Yeah, and there's butthurt Jada Smith actually believes that her hubby Willy deserved a nomination from the academy, after all the shitty movies he put out there? Fuck that noise!
“Oscar” my Ass! I see a Razzies if anything. *Cough*After-Earth*Cough*
Sky: So what’s your opinion of Morpheus from The Matrix series? (Played by Lawrence Fishburne)
For the uninitiated, the character Morpheus is this omnipotent being who trains and prepares Mr. Anderson aka Neo: The chosen one for that epic battle that lies ahead!
Ollie: "What if I told yoooouuu, that the Matrix is overrated hyperbolic nonsense "?
Sky: I wouldn't say so, after all, they were the "very first" to use the Bulletime effect, right?
*Both are laughing hysterically*
And now for the creme de creme, the icing on the cake, the poop in the litterbox. We now present the award for Ultimate Magical Negro! It should come as of no surprise that the recipient of this esteem award goes to none other but the thespian himself, Morgan Freeman!!
For his roles in which consist of always being there for his Caucasian protagonists in need, as both a sage and the confiding harmless sidekick. Mr. Freeman more than deserves this spot. And if you are one to disagree, here are but a few examples of his handiwork:
1. Robin Hood Prince of Thieves
2. Bruce & Evan Almighty
3. Driving Mrs. Daisy
4. The Shawshank Redemption
5. The Bucket List
Ollie: And to think how his role as "Fast Black" was intimidating.
WTF went wrong?
Sky: I take it he was going against the trend of "angry Negroes" on cinema that's why he's playing it safe with these "Great Sage" roles.
Then again
Denzel won an Oscar for Training Day and it worked out well for him. And speaking of "Oscar" what's your opinion of Halle Berry's er, "performance" in Monster's Ball?
Ollie: You meant Monster's Balls since they bounced off Halle's ass during that scene.
A fugly ass racist get to slam an attractive downtrodden Black Woman from behind? WTF kind of desperate state was Halle in to further her career?
Didnt Angela turn this shit down prior to Berry accepting this pathetic role? Sadly, her career had taken a bigger nose dive than Berrys, until Black Panther, bitches!! But I digress.
*Audience laughing hysterically*
Sky: Aye, that's a whole different category altogether. Ms. Berry was always a few sandwiches short of a Picnic.
That must be the reason why she just can’t keep a Man these days.
Anyways, lets wrap this up by giving a " Shout out" to all the Coloured, er I meant Black Thespians who changed the landscape of cinema even if it meant making fools of themselves at times.
Ollie: Fuck this shit, me an Stalks is gonna hang out at the crib and watch some "off da chain" Blaxploitation!
"Coffy" I would love to give you some "cream", sugar!
Sky: "Off da chain"? "Sugar"??
Can you come off any further with your silly pandering? Stalks, I'll give you the last word.
Stalkeye: While movies and television shows are often seen as a means of escape,
unnecessary tropes that is often aimed toward a particular ethnicity is more than just being insensitive, but it also placate a foolish ideology that one group is inferior to another.
And in times of uncertainty, thanks to the dweebs that elected the "Klan-in-Chief" into the Whitehouse, it's time that Hollywood and the mainstream media scale back on perceived "depictions" of others that can lead to further discrimination and violence.
It's not a matter of Political Correctness, but stopping Social Engineering. Now you know, and knowing is...
Ollie: Oh just shut the fuck up, already! We get it! Happy Black History y'all!
Post Credits: Sky: Oh dear lord...
